..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
