why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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