I could make wine with my vomit
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
