I met the friendliest cop last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
