TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize