Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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