we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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