Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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