i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
