Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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