overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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