There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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