Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
