I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
