Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
