So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize