sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
