I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
