the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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