Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
