you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
