Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
