Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
