Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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