So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
