your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
