I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
