Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
