Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
