I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
