just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
