i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
