I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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