In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
