She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
