Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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