he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
