i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
