either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
