Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
