I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize