Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
