I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize