She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
