My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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