My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
