mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
