My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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