Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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