Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
