I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
