All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize