I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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