im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
