Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
