my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
3pm strippers are depressing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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