Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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