Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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