I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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