my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
