i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
