I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
