Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
