Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You are a genius and a whore.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
