Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
