im drinking this country out of the recession.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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