Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
