i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
