When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
