i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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