there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
